my last kent

so cold outside, perfect for quitting smoke. my last kent, white, tender, bright in the dark.
i remember the day i bought it. i didn't mean to, but i bought it. and then i had my first time, first night, staying in a hotel, only for sex. it was for sex, or a way to say that i didn't love him, at all.
but i remember our first time, the eagerness, the craving. i wanted him, that was all. didn't care about his marriage, his family, his career. all i wanted was the body and soul, yeah, there should have been soul...i knew it. didn't i know it when i saw him for the first time, and later, and later on. only after you lost him forever, were you be able to have him completely...and that's my way, so that i can love you forever, yet being detached from you. i'll never lose myself in you. i can walk away when i choose to. so simple.
my last kent, with the red burning shortened, i saw some link between me and someone gradually thined. that should be the way. things fade away....
it's really cold outside. i could smell the smoke, my chic, and the air. i feel no one.