it's another sad morning. i finally got out of the bed, hearing the rain knocking on my window.
this sadness doesn't go away. after two cups of coffee, a smoke in the rain, several short conversations with R about his internet connection, it remains here with me.
i sprayed my grey flannel everywhere in the living room, trying to drive it away.
effortlessly.
after 5 1/2 months, i'm back to where i started.
yesterday night the one hour phone conversation was sweet.
i sensed the anxiety, the tenderness, the eagerness, and the fear.
i had pictured many times in my mind how our first talk or even meeting would proceed, and it was so natural when it happened.
god knows why i had tried so hard to stop this and then destroyed all my effort with ease.
just dialed the numbers and i still remember his number. the only thing that connects us together.
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